Last Thursday I had my required weekly meeting with Case Manager. Remember when I wrote about the requirement that I hire a cleaning crew at $15/hour to clean my room to stay in the program? That was replaced by an offer to clean my room for me, for free, before the upcoming inspection.
Turns out it's for reals. They want to clean my room for me, twice, so that they don't get dinged for me having a messy room when the house gets inspected in December. On one hand, that's pretty cool, because the whole room cleaning thing triggers me so much I can't get anything accomplished. Once my room is clean, it's easier to keep it that way.
On the other hand, this means that someone employed by Porchlight will be in my room doing the actual cleaning. It was even suggested that I not be present while the cleaning crew was in my room.
I agreed, with the stipulation that Case Manager monitor the cleaning crew while they are working in my room. Fine, we have a deal. Everyone is happy.
Well, no, not really. I'm doing my best to suck it up and get through this. Especially after the games and threats and bullshit I've already been through about my room (not to mention the fucking rent).
Speaking of the rent-- turns out that I owe less than they originally claimed. A lot less, in fact, once all of my pay amounts are added up.
However, I still don't know exactly how much rent I owe because no one is able to tell me. Computing the amount I owe so that a 5-day eviction notice can be posted seems to be easy enough. Telling me what I need to pay in actual rent, and how much will actually be taken.from my account, seems to require advanced mathematics.
I will acknowledge that it is up to me to get copies of my pay stubs turned in, so that the proper calculations can be made. Should be easy, right? It isn't.
My brain has difficulty with boring things have to be done at constant intervals, like printing pay stubs. I don't have a very good sense of time-- so I can easily forget to print pay stubs and turn them in.
Time is all the same to me. People have a hard time understanding why I have trouble and either ignore me or conclude that I'm a deadbeat. (If people do understand, they just ask me what my last two paychecks were so they can calculate my rent.)
I tried to make it very clear that if I don't know what I have to pay for rent, I can not create a real budget. This is something else they've been riding me on-- having a budget. So now I'm riding them on telling me how much rent I have to pay.
PM had a printout of the notes from my recent appointments w/VA mental health. There is Confusion about me-- on one hand, I am obviously busting my ass to get back into college. On the other hand, I don't look like a person who is making progress ought to look.
Something like clean room bright eyes winning smile ironed creases. Me, I have a messy room and I tend to be on the scruffy side.
PM was.concerned that this doesn't make sense-- how can I be doing so well in one area and "bad" in another? There is no manual for that kind of thing (apparently) so she asked what I thought she/they could do to help.
My answer was immediate: "Leave me the fuck alone."
I was readmitted to college last week-- I'll. be back in classes for real in January.
I'm starting Prolonged Exposure therapy for my PTSD this week. I'm also doing my normal therapy and working, plus studying and getting ready for classes.
I don't have the time or the energy to waste on eviction notices and meaningless bullshit slid under my door in the middle of the night.
Right now there is nothing in my rear view mirror that I want to see, and the less of being homeless I see through the windsheild, the better.