This week (last night, specifically) I found a 5-day notice on my door indicating that I have five days to either move out or pay ~$1200 in rent that Porchlight (who owns the building) says I owe.
They know how much I make at work, which means they know I don't have that much money. Just like the maid service ultimatum, there's no way for me to satisfy what they want.
They know that too.
I had a sit down meeting with the housing person in charge weeks ago- at the end of that meeting, I had the impression that once all of my payroll information was gathered up, there would be a payment plan set up. That was the whole point of the meeting.
That meeting came about because, even though I had signed up for automatic rent payments in June, no money was pulled from my account for several months- coincidentally, the amount they say I owe is about the same as what should have been pulled by automatic payments over the summer.
The authorization form I signed sat in the case managers office at vets house for three months. No one did anything with it, and of course no one can explain why the form wasn't processed.
Anyway, the 5-day. It had a time stamp of 1600 yesterday, which (if that time is accurate) means that it was posted on my door just before the vets house staff went home for the day. Funny how these things always get posted or slid under my door just before the people that wrote them go home for the night.
If you're going to threaten to put me out on the street in the middle of November in Wisconsin, the least you can do is summon up the balls to talk to me face to face.
Instead, they chose the chickenshit way. Not the first time, won't be the last time.
They also know that I'm dealing with PTSD- it's in my file and they can see my VA medical records. I can't believe that they don't know that threatening to bump my ass to the curb triggers my PTSD. I didn't sleep a single minute last night. That's what happens every time I find a note taped to my door or slid under my door.
I stay on campus as much as possible. I dread going home, because I am afraid of what will be waiting when I get there. I'm afraid I'll see what I saw last night, yet another eviction notice.
I don't expect to get all happy happy joy joy about getting back to my room, but it would be nice to be able to go home without my heart beating out of my chest, trying to catch my breath with my hands shaking.
Imagine that you're sitting on a tree limb about 50 feet up. It's an old tree, and the wind is blowing. The tree is moving with the wind, creaking as it moves. Every once in a while, the limb you're sitting on makes a cracking sound. You can feel the limb lean a little bit more every time you hear that sound. You know that the limb will eventually snap and fall, taking you down with it. You also know it will hurt when you land.
That's how I feel, all the time, because of this ongoing nonsense with the rent and the eviction notices. Feeling as though your future may be cut short is a common PTSD symptom, and for me it is always there. I always feel like I'm one step away from being on the street again.
At vets house meetings, we are often reminded that we are in a recovery program and that the house is meant to be a safe place. The transitional housing program is meant to help us get back on our feet. Healing is a word that also comes up, sometimes.
When I first moved into vets house, I believed that having the additional support offered by the VA Transitional Housihg program would help me do just that- recover.
No one ever asks me how that's going, or how I'm doing, or how I'm feeling. It's always about the rent. When are we going to get more money from you? Here, let's get you applied for social security benefits and file a VA disability claim so you can get some income (30% of which goes to Porchllight for rent).
I don't know what to do next, but I do know I'm tired of the bullshit, tired of the games, tired of being harassed by people who are supposed to be helping me.
Perhaps they think that because I'm homeless, they can do anything they want and I'll just accept it because hey, what else am I going to do? It's their way or the highway, right?
This shit with the constant eviction threats has to stop. If you're going to evict me, then evict me. If you don't have the balls to evict me then shut the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone.