02 April 2013

Back to living on the street

They always say things like "You have to trust us and let us help you."
No one ever says, "Hey bud, you seem like you're really having trouble. Let's talk."


I know I’m in trouble when I get something on paper that documents what I did or didn’t do. If someone is documenting what they did and what I didn’t do, they’re documenting reasons to get rid of me.

I was supposed to go to the main office at the agency that handles rent for the vets house I live in. I’m behind on rent, and I needed to arrange getting caught up. I didn’t make it there. The peer support specialist here reminded me last week and I still didn’t go there. How do I explain that the reason I haven’t paid rent is that I haven’t submitted timecards at work since December? That it will be at least two weeks before I’ll get paid. That’s provided I can summon enough courage to tell my boss about the situation.  I honestly don't know why I can't do my time cards regularly. I do know thinking about it makes me incredibly anxious.

The letter I get today spoke of them having faith in my integrity, which has now been broken.

I was supposed to go to the county veterans service office with my case manager this morning; I needed to be ready to go at 0830. I was going to talk to my case manager about rent on the way, and try to explain what was happening with my not getting paid. Last night I think I got to bed around 0230. Took my pills and went straight to sleep. I’d let my case manager know that I was on meds for sleep and she’d need to knock on my door and wake me up.

I’m sure she knocked on my door, but I either didn’t hear it or it didn’t register that the sound meant I was supposed to wake up. About 20 minutes later, I’d managed to get dressed and down to her office. By then it was too late to get there on time, and she said she’d have to reschedule me. 

It was implied that I shouldn't have scheduled an appointment so early.

My case manager knocked on my door later in the day to talk about rent arrangements. I'd gone back to bed so I didn’t hear her then either, until she said something about leaving a letter under my door. I don't know if I said anything more than "I'm here". I did say that, at least.

Turns out this was the "we’ve lost faith in you" letter, where I’m given the option to move out or be evicted. That I’d refused to leave my room to discuss things today. The letter where the case manager says it’s been good to work with me, and how we’d made good progress last week. How case management is such an important part of the transitional housing program.

In other words: Thank you for participating in the VA Transitional Housing Program. You’re beyond help and it’s your own damn fault. We have it documented. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.


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