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13 March 2013

This week... ugh

My life isn’t going well.

I haven’t paid rent because I haven’t been paid, and I haven’t been paid because I haven’t been filling in my timecard at work. It’s such a simple thing, right? Typing numbers into blanks on a web form. Maybe ten minutes a week and it’s done. I can’t seem to get it into my frame of reference. In fact, I don’t even think about it, other than to wish I could do such a simple thing like everyone else seems to be able to do.

This is what happened last summer, and I ended up homeless. A simple thing that I just can’t get done becomes a much larger problem. Then it’s a bigger problem than I can hope to handle. Along the way I become more and more ashamed because I feel like I’m just bringing this all on myself.

Especially when it’s happened this way before.

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I sleep, sometimes. Unfortunately, I sleep at the wrong times.

On nights I work, I’m always off by 0100 but I usually don’t to go sleep until morning (if at all). Some of those nights I stay at work, doing stuff online. I have to pay attention to the time and try to pack up and go home by about 0500.  The shop opens back up at 0600, and while I haven’t ever caught any flak for staying there, I don’t want to push my luck.  There’s always the chance someone will notice me and start asking questions. Sort of like when I was sleeping in my car in the parking ramp a few blocks away.

If there’s nothing going during that day, I can sleep until whenever I wake up and no one bothers me. Rolling into the chow hall at 1700 to eat supper isn’t that unusual here. If I have appointments or things to do, that’s when things get difficult. These days I have a lot of appointments, and I’m working five nights a week.

Some days, like yesterday, I was up through the night and made it home for breakfast. Then I fell asleep in my room, missing a dental appointment at the VA and a meeting here with my case manager to talk about benefits. I woke up barely in time to get to work five minutes early. After work, I came home and sat down in this chair, where I’ve been since 2000 last night.

So much could have been accomplished yesterday. Instead I’m burning bridges with my case manager and the VA hospital.





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