27 November 2012

Small steps

I finally made it in to the lab where I've been working on my own projects yesterday. It had been at least a couple of weeks since I'd been there. The withdrawal and avoidance sneaks up on me, and it still takes a while before I realize what's going on. While I'm shutting myself off from the world, the world keeps going. I explained my absence by saying I'd been feeling crappy, which is true, but I didn't explain the details. Everyone bought it, I think. My project hasn't seen much effort lately either, but yesterday I was able to make some progress. I'll post a link when it's ready.

Nothing was really resolved by the time I spent actually homeless. Living in my car was necessary, because I had nowhere else to go, but the experience did not make my life better. I suppose in a way it "built character"; and while I wish there was a way to feel good about having made it through, no one really ever brags about being homeless, do they? Things are actually more complicated, because now I'm in a place where I need to start fixing problems. Surviving is straightforward-- what do I need to do right now? There's no room to think about much beyond that. Now it's a requirement.

It doesn't help that my car won't start-- the battery has finally given up, so I need to get that replaced. Then I need to get my car moved from where it is now (the same ramp it's been in lately), but to get a street parking permit I need to re-register my car. I also need to pay the two tickets I got when I had to park on the street (the ramp was sold out for a football game). I got tagged for being there longer than two hours, and for my registration being expired. Of course, I don't have any money right now since I'm still having trouble getting my time sheets submitted on time; no time sheet, no check (although it will eventually get caught up). I also have to pay my storage unit bill so I can get the rest of my stuff moved into my new place-- but I can't pay that until I get paid, and I can't move my stuff until my car is running again. Until I get paid. This sucks.

Puzzles. *sigh*

My room (like my last place, it's really too small to be called an apartment) is therefore both disorganized and kinda barren. I have a bed, a dresser, a folding chair, a sink, a fridge and microwave, and cupboards. Right now it is a place to stay, but without any of my stuff it's not really home.

And, I haven't been sleeping on any sort of regular schedule. It's too easy to stay up all night. I got so used to doing that when I was sleeping in my car. I discovered that I could be in an academic building after they locked up at 0100, but I had to be awake and studying/working on something to stay. So I stayed up all night, and slept during the day while the people who parked in the ramp were at work.

I know that if I take a series of small steps, and keep at it, I'll eventually get through all of this. Lately it feels like I've been taking small steps forever.

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