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29 October 2011

Meh.

There are times lately when I don't feel especially good, but I don't feel especially bad either. Today is sort of like that.

I woke up at noon and have had two mugs of coffee, so I shouldn't be tired (but I am). It's hard to get started at the beginning of the day. I don't remember the last time I jumped out of bed in the morning, gung ho to get the day started. I'm not a morning person to begin with, but it seems that lately it takes me a couple of hours of being awake to be good for anything useful.

I did see my doctor this week, and we made one change to my meds. 

I say "we" because he doesn't just change my meds without asking me if I'm ok with the change and explaining what the change is all about. I hear stories about people having pills pushed at them... you don't have to, and shouldn't, take meds if you don't understand what they are supposed to do. I've always asked for and received explanations from my doctors and from the pharmacy. And by all means, if the meds make you feel like crap, talk to your doctor or team nurses and let them know.

Back to my meds. I've been taking 37.5mg of venlafaxine twice a day since late spring. That's being doubled, upped to 75mg twice a day. (I'm also still on trazodone (0-200mg once a day) and bupropion (twice a day)). I'm waiting for refills to arrive before I start taking the additional venlafaxine so I don't run out-- so no report yet on the effect of increased dose.

I'm also taking some steps toward a social life. I have a coffee date early this week, a definite sign of feeling better. Then this:
I live in an apartment building, with the usual column of buttons to push to be let in. I don't answer my buzzer if I'm not expecting anyone. Ever. I can't see who is at the door, why they are here, and what their intentions are once they are inside. My buzzer's been buzzing off and on for a few minutes now. I haven't ordered food, am not expecting packages, and haven't received a call or text from anyone. I'm not opening the door. Stop pushing my buzzer. 
It's things like this that can really derail me. Unexpected things, intrusions that break down the thin layer separating me trying to get my thoughts together and the world outside. Who was that? What did they want? Was it someone I'd probably like to know, someone who wants to be friends from another apartment? Someone who I know, but who doesn't know about the call first rule? 
Ok, now to try to settle down a bit...

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