It's extremely frustrating. I wish for one day when I can just wake up, feel decent, feel motivated, drink some coffee, grab my books and laptop, and just go. Wishing doesn't make the problems go away, though.
- Go to bed around 0200 or so; I'm used to working nights, and 3-4 days a week I'm at work until 0100. I'm also naturally a night owl.
- Alarms are set for 1000-1100. I have several set up on my phone, plus a clock radio that can wake the dead. Some days I oversleep all of them. Those are the nights when the dreams and nightmares are the worst, when I get enough sleep.
- Wake up, move around a little, make coffee. When I wake up, it takes me a while to figure out where I am. The worse the nightmares are, the more time it takes to get coherent. I know I'm in my apartment, at home, here-- but that's just automatic. It takes a while, sometimes a couple of hours, before my brain is awake enough to think about what I need to get done today.
- Take morning meds. Coffee starts to kick in. Eventually I feel a little more alive, can think about a shower and getting dressed.
- Now that I'm waking up, look around my apartment and realize my apartment is a mess and I am hopelessly behind on getting laundry done. Start to feel bad about that.
- Look at the clock, and it's somewhere around 1400. So by the time I actually get showered and dressed it's pushing 1500, and I either have to be to work at 1600 or in class (at either 1730 or 1900).
- Now I'm actually functioning, but I didn't get any assignments or reading done today. So I go into class now quite knowing what's going on.
- After class, I go to work. The cycle starts again.
21 September 2011
One more stuck point to overcome
I've been having more dreams and flashbacks lately. They were there before the semester started, sometimes, but now it's becoming more and more regular (and they're not helping). My days are going something like this: