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18 June 2011

Last night, and today.

Around here, summer is pretty relaxed. At work, the pace slows down a lot unless something goes wrong. Most of the students are gone over the summer, but enough of us remain here to keep places like downtown interesting. It's possible to find a quiet place to have a drink within walking distance of campus in summer.

I actually went out last night with friends from work. Dinner downtown, back to someone's apartment for some general drinking and such, then downtown again.

Dinner was ok. It was at a restaurant I'd been to before, and I somehow managed to sit at one end of the table, giving me a bit more room. The food was really good, and having a beer with dinner was nice too.

After dinner we went back to someone's apartment for drinking games- I had a beer, but only watched the game. I'd already had a beer with dinner, and it was getting to be time to take meds. I took it easy, and still had a good time.
 
First bar is one of those that's always crowded (upstairs and downstairs), the music's too loud, and people talk too loud- not my favorite kind of place. Years ago, when I was drinking fairly heavily and before this PTSD stuff kicked up, I'd have loved it there. Not so now. It felt dangerous, and I caught myself shaking more than once. The bar had a two drink minimum, and I didn't feel like paying $10 for two glasses of Diet Coke, so I went drinkless. I also decided that I'd stick it out, or at least try.  After a while we all got tired of the crowd, and headed out to another bar.

This one was at a restaurant; the dining room was closed, but the bar was open. Only a few people there, counting the bartenders and bouncers. Dark wood, low lights, mellow music... much more my type of place. I felt pretty comfortable there, and after a shot of good Irish whiskey and starting on a beer, I was ok. The last beer took a while to finish.

Closing time eventually came around (actually not quite, but we were all getting tired), and I had the pleasure of walking back home through the crowds waiting to get into other bars. Later at night seems to be when people are more likely to get into stupid fights, one of which I had to make my way around. From there, my walk home was uneventful. I was hungry again by that point, so I ordered a slice of pizza and soda for delivery, ate that, and went to bed.

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Sometimes I regret going to sleep. After I fell asleep early this morning was one of those times.

Nightmares come and go for me... I believe that the trazodone really helps, but I ended up taking meds late. It seems there needs to be at least a couple of hours after taking them, but before sleeping, for them to do any good. I don't know how long the dream lasted. I only remember snippets, individual frames. It was a long story. And it was in color.

I have certain places in these nightmares-- streets, buildings, an airport, a factory of some sort, that seem to show up fairly often. They were all there this time. Certain people make repeat appearances too. My reaction to seeing those people is usually the same, I want them to be as far away from me as possible.

I woke up early today, although I wasn't quite awake. I remember stumbling around the kitchen for a while, and eventually going back to bed. The nightmare went on as soon as I fell asleep.

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Today, I didn't leave my apartment.

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