29 April 2011

Today. Struggling. Ack. Is it tomorrow yet?

Okay, let's start with the actual start of the day-- after arriving home shortly after 0100, I stayed awake until about 0500. I'd have stayed up, but the night before I'd been up all night, so I decided I'd set some alarms and get up in time for my VA appointment this morning. I debated whether to take my meds before going to bed, as I'd missed taking them at my normal time (around 2200).

When I woke up and saw it was after 1600 (my appointment was at 0900), I figured it might have been a mistake to take my meds eight hours late. Tonight I'm just taking them and it's almost 0000, but that's better than 0500.

I also had a really disturbing dream. It wasn't about a single event that has happened, rather it was about me being trapped. I won't get into any more detail than that-- I don't want to trigger you or me-- but it was very real and very intense. I woke up very confused, and very pissed when I saw the time on my clock. I also missed both classes and my study time today, plus whatever relaxation techniques and mindfulness meditation I might have done. And, I missed the campus veterans group meeting, the last of the semester.  So I missed out on a lot of things. I haven't left my apartment today/tonight, either.  Those dreams cost me a lot today.

Right now, I'd like to go out for a long walk (ending with a Guinness and a shot of Irish whiskey), but it's 0000 and 39 degrees out. The threat of being on the streets this late and the very chilly air makes a walk seem a lot less of a good idea. Maybe tomorrow.

In other news...
I am looking at incompletes in all of my classes this semester. I've simply missed too much class and too much homework to get caught up and be ready for finals in two weeks.  I'll write more about that later, right now I'm still lining things up with professors. Stay tuned.

I have some other personal issues going on as well that involve dealing with others that are suffering from this stuff. I know some of you arrive here looking for information to help friends who need help, so I'll write about that once I have it all organized into something readable.

...and the weather forecast...
65 and sunny tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow will be better. It'll at least be warmer and brighter.

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