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08 November 2010

Yep, I have issues.

I've been looking over my past couple of posts, and thinking I might have some issues going on. :)

I think it's a combination mostly made up of being on two medications where a little over a week ago I wasn't on any, and how my brain is starting to respond differently to stress.   When my overall mood is good, it's pretty good.  I have a positive outlook, I'm relatively calm, and I get quite a bit done.  When my mood heads downhill, it goes pretty far downhill and I end up alone and self locked in my apartment for 36 hours.  In the pre-meds days, my ways of coping with PTSD weren't always the best, but I knew in general what they were.

Now, as before, it's always worse when I'm alone.  I really, really, don't like being alone.  I have enough books and other information on hand that says that a person needs to be able to be alone.  It's when you're afraid of being alone that you latch onto whatever you can, which often turns out to be something bad, so being in good mental health means that you can be alone and not do something that's bad for you.  I get it.  But I'm still more likely to feel really bad when I'm alone.

I am struggling with getting to class and getting assignments done.  Today was an exception-- I had a long assignment to work on, but for that particular class I have a study partner.  So it was better having someone else to work with.  I actually enjoyed the assignment, frustrating as it was for a while.  It was challenging, and I feel good about finishing it.  My first class of the day on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is the worst-- it's one of the classes I failed last semester, and right now I'm having trouble dealing with it.  I'm going to try to get there tomorrow morning, even if I get there late, I still need to be there.  Maybe I can even get there on time (or closer than I have been) tomorrow.  I'm going to try.


Side note: in the midst of all of the studying I was doing today, I actually went out on a first date.  Now I'm in that "2-3 day zone" where if you call right away, you're acting too desperate, and if you wait too long to call, you're not interested enough.  I'll call or email on Tuesday-- my life's not complicated enough, I need to try to throw some romance in and really make it interesting.  :) 

2 comments:

  1. What I want to know is who makes up these stupid 2-3 days rules...in biz intrest is shown if its done in a 24 hrs tat...so why do we play mind games when it comes to relationships? either we are in or out...we either like that person or not...just my 2 cents worth.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I completely agree... it's a stupid rule. I emailed today. Wish me good luck. :)

    ReplyDelete

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