10 November 2010

Letting the car warm up before driving

Have you ever had a car that ran like total crap if you just tried to get in, start 'er up, and take off... but if you let it warm up, and the right song was on the radio, and the sun was shining just right, that car would outrun anything once it got warmed up?  Yeah... today I felt like that.

Today (Tuesday) I slept in, only partially intentionally, so missed one class.  But, I made it to my second class on time, where I took an exam in a pindrop quiet library tucked into the third floor of a 15-floor building.   I had no problem concentrating on the exam-- no triggers, no images, no sounds, no smells, no flashbacks, no anxiety beyond it being an exam.  That's probably partly because the library was so quiet, and there were only a few other people there-- two of them were librarians, who naturally move quietly.    My being able to concentrate was probably also partly due to the medications I've been taking for two weeks.  As I've been taking the meds, it seems that when my brain is dialed in, it's dead on.

After taking the exam, I didn't have anything else on my schedule today (class, work, etc.).  I suppose I should have headed to a library, but my apartment looks like a tornado's gone through it.  I took a couple of hours this afternoon to straighten up and organize some of the stuff I (still) haven't unpacked from moving.  There are a lot of random letters and pictures in those boxes; really old family pictures from before me being born, and some pictures and letters from my time in USAF technical training (aka tech school).  And, some newspapers and pictures from Desert Storm that I didn't think I still had.  So I didn't get any studying done this afternoon.

Tonight, however, after I'd made supper and doinked around for a while, I grabbed the books I needed for one assignment (a math class), and headed to the student veterans office to study.  It honestly took me a couple of hours of trying to get my brain locked into doing homework.  But once I did, damn.  I don't know if it's because the problems I was working on were (sort of) stuff I'd seen a couple of semesters ago, or if it was pretty easy stuff, or if it was the medication(s), but I got in a good hour or so of doing math that was making sense.

It felt good to actually accomplish something, even if it wasn't finishing the entire assignment.  It felt good to be focused on the assignment and not panicky.  Okay, so other than taking an exam in the morning, I didn't get a lot else done homework-wise today.  The times when I'm able to lock onto something and make progress with homework are perhaps, slowly, gradually, happening more often.

Not fast enough, but they're happening.

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