Today, I've watched a couple of hours just disappear. I'm awake now, have had two cups of coffee, have made and eaten breakfast. I was supposed to meet someone at one of the libraries at noon, and didn't make it there-- I wasn't awake until 1300. It seems right now that the world ends at the outer boundaries of my apartment. Whatever else is going on, it's just blurry once you get outside my four walls.
"Pretty good" in my case means my tuition, rent, and other bills are paid. My car is paid off. My credit card balance is zero. I have more hours available to work, than I have hours in my schedule to work. I've actually had to turn down work. I've been able to put aside, to save, a little bit of money this semester.
At the end of the movie, everyone lives happily ever after. The only time there's a sequel is when "happily ever after" doesn't actually happen.I'm trying to figure out why I can't seem to get out of my apartment, why I'm wasting my day-- writing isn't wasting time, but I have studying to do-- and I'm close to the conclusion that I've never been in a better overall position. I don't have many worries beyond school, and even there, in two of my classes I'm actually doing pretty well.
My usual reaction to an uncomfortable situation is to avoid it. I think that's what's going on. It feels uncomfortable, to just sit in a library all day and work on something. There's never really been a time when I didn't have to worry or stress about making sure I had a place to live, making sure I had food, trying to resolve the current crisis. Staying up late, being tired in the morning, staying inside all weekend, tuning out to the point where I lose and entire day (or weekend); these things are making stress where there shouldn't be any.
I am ultimately faced with learning how to deal with life being good. WTF???