06 October 2010

No style points awarded here

Some days, it is said, are better than others.  And some are just longer.

Today started with my early class, followed by an exam in the class where I'm in a lecture hall that holds 250+.  Lately, the class hasn't been full, but today there wasn't an empty seat because it was exam day (and if you don't take an exam in this class, there are no makeups).  This is yet another old lecture hall, where the desk you have to write on is smaller than an 8 1/2" x 11" sheet of paper, and there is literally no room between you and the person next to you.  

I'd already made, or tried to make, arrangements with my professor to take the exam in a quiet room.  We'd exchanged a number of emails, and I finally emailed again last night to ask what the heck was going on-- the reply came during my first class of the day, that I should report to the lecture hall and get instructions from there.  It turned out that I took the test in a small library in another campus building, a small room with three tables and maybe nine or ten bookshelves.  I think it went well, although grades haven't been posted yet.   I'm scared to imagine what would have happened if I'd had to take that exam, in that lecture hall-- I'm certain I'd be writing about failing it, rather than thinking I did all right.

The rest of the day was spent at the campus veterans club, alternating between working on homework and talking to other student vets.  I need to get out and study with other people, because I feel better when I do, but I'm more easily distracted, too.  I did manage to get one assignment done ahead of time, in one of the classes that I failed last semester.  I feel like that's a good thing.  I also made progress on one other assignment that's due at midnight tomorrow, and that too is a good thing.  But right now it's 0230 and I'm wide awake, and I need to get to bed because I've blown up my 7+ hours of sleep a night rule.

In general, I'm having some difficulty socially; I would like to believe that even though I am so busy, there's someone else in the world that would understand enough to want to sit down and talk over coffee.  I try to believe that the glass is half full... have been trying the online meat market, and have come to decide that it's frustrating.  There are a lot of people I potentially match with, but I dread the day or night or time or whatever happens, when I have to explain that I am a veteran with PTSD and if you're going to be my significant other, you're going to have to learn to deal with it too.  And that's on top of dealing with me being a full time student who has two part time jobs.

I'm having trouble getting to sleep.  I think it's a combination of working really hard during the day, and having my brain working into the night.  I haven't been getting as much done during the day as I need to, so I have to work later.  

Things aren't perfect.  They're moving in the right direction, but I'm not earning any points for moving gracefully.

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