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01 July 2010

Sleep. Dreams. Blech.

This being summer, and me working swing shifts, I've been getting a decent amount of sleep lately.  I'm usually at work until 2300 or so, get home by 0000, stay up for a couple of hours and get to bed at around 0200.  About eight hours later, I usually wake up.  Sometimes, I wake up a little earlier, and go back to bed specifically to try to get enough sleep.

That sounds complicated.  It would be so nice and easy to say "I'm getting 8 hours of good sleep a night."  Truth is, I'm really not.  I'm in bed that long, but when I wake up I generally feel like crap.

When I go to bed, it usually takes me a while to fall asleep.  I get into bed, tired as hell, and my heart starts racing.  I have to count myself down, try to slow down my breathing, etc., to get relaxed enough to consider sleeping.  It's not caffeine-- there are day when I go to sleep at 2300 and it's been since 1300 that I last had any coffee or soda.  Going to bed, oddly enough, can be a triggering event.

When I get more that six hours of sleep a night, I usually dream, and my dreams are often nightmares.  They are not the kind where you wake up screaming and in a cold sweat, and neither are they the kind where you wake up strangling the person next to you.  They are rarely nightmares that recount the timeline of actual events.  Instead, they're little bits and pieces of events, people, places, things... sort of like the pieces of several video jigsaw puzzles put together, mixed up, and put together to make a new picture.  The stuff that happens never makes sense.

The dreams are disturbing enough to be nightmares.  I'll wake up sometimes to the voice inside my head saying "Get out of here now.  Wake up."  Once I'm awake, I'll remember enough of the dream to be a little confused, a little shaken, and often more than a little disturbed.

So I don't like sleeping, much.  It's a necessary thing, but I don't enjoy the dreams that come with it.

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