Some days, all I have are questions, and answers seem like something that only other people have.
Today's one of those days when I have no internal energy and it seems the world has none to supply me with. I missed my bus by two minutes. When the next bus came, it was late. Halfway to school, the bus pulled over at an intersection where it sat for 10 minutes before I finally asked the bus driver if he understood that "public transportation" means "people trying to get somewhere". (Turns out he was waiting for another transit employee to bring him paperwork. What paperwork does a bus driver need to do???)
Once I've finally arrived on campus, I get coffee, breakfast, head for a place to study. My mind isn't blank, but it's not off of standby yet either. I know I have a lot to get done today, since I didn't get everything on my list done from last night. I'm tired, low on energy, and I'm feeling very lonely, isolated, and getting close to depressed. I feel... empty.
This has been a tough semester so far. It's been a bigger social/academic/schedule adjustment than I thought it would be, and the combination of lots of schoolwork, lots of work, and not lots of sleep has caught up to me pretty quickly. I'm behind, struggling to get caught up, and struggling not to fall farther behind. Running to catch up isn't much fun. I hate this feeling. It's bad enough by itself to feel lonely and isolated.
Most of the people (students) around me are busy trying to keep up as well-- I don't know anyone well enough yet to consider asking for the kind of help I really need. How do you approach someone you don't know and explain all of this? What do you have a right to expect them to do for you, when they're in the same situation-- too much to do and not enough time to do it-- helping you takes away time from them.
I suppose it should make a difference knowing that other students (young and old like me) are having the same types of problems. Maybe it helps a little, but it doesn't solve anything.