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13 October 2009

Why I Don't Wanna Go to Bed

I need sleep. I need to go to sleep. But I can't. I don't want to. My body doesn't think it's bedtime, I know it is, I can see the clock, but my body says keep going, stay up-- or is it my mind, my mind that knows that if I get eight hours of normal sleep, the kind where I'm not trying to catch up from a week's worth of sleep depravation, where I actually hit REM for a few hours...

That's the sleep that scares me, because that's the sleep where I dream, and when I dream, it's not nice, no, it's confusing and muddled and scary and mixed up-- not necessarily nightmares, but that feeling when you wake up and you remember something being really really wrong, or sometimes you have to look around the room and it takes a few minutes to realize that you are in fact awake, and you have to tell yourself that "dude, it was a dream, it didn't happen, you weren't there, it's ok-- it really didn't just happen."

I hate waking up like that. Which is why I don't want to go to sleep.

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