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19 April 2009

Trust

Trust.

You know that Charlie Brown cartoon, where he's going to kick the football and Lucy always pulls it away the last second (followed by an "Aaaauuugghh!")? I used to(as a kid) read a lot of Peanuts books, strip after strip really identifying with good 'ol Charlie Brown. He never seemed to have it together, and I felt that way too-- as much as I wanted to, I could never trust anyone because... well, I didn't know why. Now, however, I do know why-- someone I trusted took advantage of my trust for his own benefit. It was not my fault-- I was a kid, without knowledge of what was really going on, and even if I'd known, I would have been powerless to prevent it.

Trust.

Do you have my back? Got me covered? If I stick my neck out (regardless if it's a good idea for me to do so), will you be there and will you save my ass? Will you stick up for me? Even if you disagree with me, will you make sure my voice is heard? Will you just stay there, and stand up with me?

I ran into a situation recently where I was unhappy with how things were-- I was a member of an organization that has a lot of members older than I am, that does a lot of community service work, and wants people my age and younger to participate more. (There's a lot of service organizations like that these days-- mine is a veterans organization, but I'm not saying which one.) It was the same old stuff every month: we need people to work at "insert event here". We need to get the younger crowd here and make them feel welcome. We need you to pay your dues. Did we mention we need you to work at "insert event here"?

I stood up and suggested the group participate in a run/walk event that I've been doing the past couple of years, and I was shot down-- there was another event that the group was doing that day, and so my idea was poo-poohed out of existence (yes, poo-poohed). I felt humiliated for even bringing it up. Kinda like how Charlie Brown must feel after that bitch Lucy pulls the football away.

Trust.

What happens if I let you know me? Will you keep my secrets, or will you share them with others so they can misinterpret them? I'm a veteran, I have secrets, we all do-- those things we've seen, and done. And thought about.

Trust.

Can I trust you?

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