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06 March 2009

Who moved your cheese?

I need help. See, right now, I'm living two intertwined lives.

On one hand, I work at a boring but stable job where I uselessly pound keys on a keyboard all day. (I compare five digit numbers to each other. Yes, that's my job. No, I don't like it.) I have a steady paycheck, health insurance, and a 401(k). Many of the people I work with have either been there for 20+ years, or are expecting to be there that long. It's a business that actually picks up when the economy is going to hell. However, there's not much point in being smart there, because being smarter (or working harder) doesn't earn you anything extra. It's workin' for the Man, to the extreme.

On the other hand, I'm a Desert Storm vet who's in college half-time, trying to bust ass to get into a four-year school, where I can bust more ass and eventually graduate with a degree that means something. I'm smart. I can do math-- not just comparing integers to each other, I'm talking the full on badass kind of math that Newton used to explain how physics works. I can make computers do stuff. I can read and comprehend. In this world, working harder and being smarter (and especially both) gets you recognized and respected.

College isn't a 9-to-5 job though. College is a different schedule each day of the week, different projects and homework due on different dates and times. College is, above all else, going to class and doing your homework. It is your job to do those things. I have that job, and I have two other jobs, and I'm getting tired of spending all of the resources I should be using on school just to keep working while I'm going to school.

I think true happiness-- once the PTSD treatment is done, and in fact once all is said and done-- is being able to just be the student I've never quite been, and seeing what happens. I suspect the result will be pretty amazing.

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