Going from the street to a normal place feels like a big jump. Suddenly everything is supposed to be normal. It doesn't feel that way yet. I still have to get everything moved from my storage unit into my apartment, get it unpacked, and figure out where it all goes. I hate moving-- the most recent times I've had to move haven't been much fun, so there are some negative emotions going on. I still feel like I need to look for a place to sleep every night.
What did being homeless for two years mean? What did it prove? What can I take away from the experience? I don't know. So much was negative. All of the bullshit that happened at Porchlight casts a long shadow. I don't trust charity any more-- I've seen enough charity to last a lifetime. Too many strings attached.
College and being homeless don't work together well. I know there are people who manage to pull it off. I don't know if they had to deal with PTSD or not, but it made things more difficult for me. Maybe in a different situation than I was in with Porchlight makes it a little easier.
The mission now is stability. Staying in my apartment, getting the rent paid. Staying in school, getting good grades. Taking care of myself. Maybe even enjoying life a little bit again. I'm actually in a really cool place right now-- learning new things, hacking, drinking good coffee, working with awesome people.
It will take some time before I'm really relaxed, I think. Getting my stuff moved in will be a big step. Stability is still a goal to reach, but for now I'm winning the battle.
As always, small steps.